If there was any denying it before, there’s no denying now: we are moving.
It still hasn’t sunk in yet, and honestly I’m not quite sure when it will. I don’t know that I will truly believe it until we are in Boston. Perhaps it won’t be until I have a job. But it sure doesn’t feel real now.
I see friends and tell them we’ll be back a lot, for weddings, for holidays, for fun. But when I think about it, there aren’t that many holidays in the year, and we probably won’t be home for all of them. We may not even be able to come home for Thanksgiving! I’ve never had a Thanksgiving without my family.
I think I’m telling myself and others that we will be back a lot so I don’t feel like I have to say a true goodbye to anyone.
It’s hard to say goodbye to people. It’s hard to say “no, I don’t know when I will see you again.” We don’t want to think about the fact that it may be years before we reunite with people we love. And there’s always the reality that there are people from stages of our lives that we will never see again in this life. What a strange thought.
So I focus on the fact that we will be back. I give chance the benefit of the doubt, that I will see all of these people again. Because it makes me feel better to think that way. Is that wrong? Should I be dwelling on the reality that life as I know it will be unequivocally changed by the time August arrives? Honestly, I don’t know, but I certainly don’t want that to cloud my present as I prepare to leave this life behind.
In the next week, I will say goodbye to my family, my friends, my pets, and my home. That’s a lot to say goodbye to. I like to think that I will handle it with grace, but I know that there will be moments when it all feels like too much. Thank goodness I have Marshall.
Change is good. This change is very good. I could not be more excited to move to Boston, for so many reasons I couldn’t count them. But change is hard, and this change will be very hard.
But you know what, no matter how hard it is, I will grow. I will learn, I will change, and I will grow. And above all, there will be snow.
So I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.